Wake up to a quiet house, the low electric hum of the bedside fan barely audible. Amble out to the kitchen to put the kettle on and brew the morning coffee while checking my phone for messages. One cup, one sugar, a bit of cream; pour the coffee into the French press, stir 100 times with a plastic spoon, press, and pour. Overstep the child gate meant to keep the dogs out of the office, set the coffee down at the desk, sit down in the swivel chair, and boot up the computer. So it has been, and so it will be, for the foreseeable future.
Write something interesting. But, really, write something boring. Question my motives for writing at all. Question who my audience is. Feel tired. Wish to be back in bed. Rub my eyes for a moment. Sip coffee.
Browse reddit momentarily before remembering that I’m in the middle of something kind of important or whatever, I guess. Contemplate giving up. Think ahead an hour or so to the daily walk around the lake. Wonder what it’s all for. Who cares if I’m in shape or not. I’m not. Not really. But who cares if I am? Realize that it feels nice to feel nice and that was the whole reason to quit smoking. Not miss smoking.
Realize I’m not the smartest person in the room. Painfully aware of the fact that I’m the only person in the room. Sip more coffee. Errant thoughts about where liquid goes when you drink it. Realize I have no actual idea of how the stomach really works and how it separates solid food from liquid into where. Realize I’d probably know this if I hadn’t fucked off High School, got expelled, and then barely got an education by way of a GED.
Don’t think about High School. Fuck, I’m already thinking about High School. Wonder what it would have been like if I had gone to Parkview. Wonder who even remembers me. Wonder if those years even actually happened. Wonder why I even care.
Check phone; nothing new. Only email I ever really get is spam. Nobody calls me. Check messages. The last time you messaged your father was June 18th. Look through the conversation. May 14th, May 17th, June 18th. Realize conversation was probably not intended to be a conversation. What did he say about our family and not keeping in touch? I can’t remember.
New email. Facebook notification. Wonder why you started going back to Facebook again. Wonder why you even care enough to wonder why. Realize that this post is going nowhere and it’s getting there fast.
Realize you’ve only been up for about an hour and it already feels like noon.